Woke up this morning, got outta bed.
Realised that I hadn’t been fed.
Tripped on the mat,
squashed the cat.
Went out the door,
there was no floor.
Came down with a thud,
got covered in mud.
Got back up to go down the street,
but found a rat trap, on my feet.
My big fat toe, got real big,
through my hand, was a twig.
Went to the car, it wasn’t there.
I looked to my left and saw a bear.
Got on my bike and rode away,
wheel got stuck in some clay.
The bear picked me up and showed his fangs,
then he opened his mouth and he sang-
“G’day boy, your my lunch,
Human is my favourite munch.
Sprinkled with salt,
A touch of malt.
Neatly diced,
with lots of spice.
Gonna have you rare,
Coz I’m a bear!”
He stopped and I poked him in the eye.
Now I’m not gonna die.
Got away, from that bear,
and didn’t lose any hair.
Found my car, on the road,
stolen by, a little fat toad.
Drove back home, to my bed.
Found a bear, there instead.
-Rick Tankard